sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
