i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
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