I wanna passion pit in your ass
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
