Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize
