Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
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