During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
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He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
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I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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