Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
