literally had 100 drinks last night.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
