My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
