Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
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What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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