Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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