I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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