How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize