even my farts smell like vagina
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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