Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
