I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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