you traded sex for a burrito?
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
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And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
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I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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