I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
