So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
