I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
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