whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize