Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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