Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
