oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
