It's a beautiful day for a hangover
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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