Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Randomize
