Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
