We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
