Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I need water and some morals
Randomize
