That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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