Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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