dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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