i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
