i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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