I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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