I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
