i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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