the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
It's rum buckets o'clock
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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