Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
You ruined the universe
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
