Your tits are I can't wait for
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize