hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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