roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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