Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
