she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
sarcasm needs its own font
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
