I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
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