i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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