my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
