shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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