Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
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Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
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Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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