Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
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