If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Randomize
