Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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