my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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