I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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