So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
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Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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