i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
