You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
