Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
