Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
