you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
