and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Randomize
