I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Randomize
