OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
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