You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
