I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
