Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Congratulations! We have a period
Randomize
