i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
