Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
