a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
