During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
