Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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