i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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