I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Randomize
