my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I love how my cats smell like pot.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
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