I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
