Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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