i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
