everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
