Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
