its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
