Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
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