non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
